yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
