hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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