I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
