Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
