One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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