i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
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So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
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Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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