After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
