He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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