There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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