I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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