ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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