your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
