hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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