I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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