fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
