i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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