I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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