If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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