so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
