Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
