She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
