In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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