people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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