I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just puked most of my soul out..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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