So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
