i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
