She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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