I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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