The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
