i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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