One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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