i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
