I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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