i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize