when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
