if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
why do cheetos always look like penises
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
