I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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