I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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