I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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