Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
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Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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