we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
