maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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