Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
