Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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