his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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