Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize