my mouth tastes like poor choices
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
