i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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