my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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