I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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