I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize