new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
