Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
