I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
