Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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