I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
