R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
