Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
