you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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