im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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