my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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