I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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