I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
