I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
