I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
