you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
