I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
