PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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