u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
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Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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