I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
