we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
