Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize