I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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