the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
