but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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